The Arab Song
Lyrics by Big Ugly Jim
There's an Arab in my closet and he's plotting
There's an Arab in my closet late at night
I just know he has a terrorist agenda
But he hides whenever I turn on the light
I honestly can't say what Arabs look like
But I'm thinkin' probably just like you and me
But I know that it's an Arab cuz the TV
Said these Arabs hated our democracy
Arabs, Arabs everywhere I need a drop to drink
I know that they are out there and it really makes me think
That the government has let us down by letting them inside
I'll give up all my freedoms if you've got a place to hide
On CNN they told me to be careful
Threat level orange, yellow, red I must beware
I keep my eyeballs focused on my neighbors
They might be fine but I won't be caught unawares
I read about an Arab in the paper
He had a name that sounded so unreal
That Arab's living somewhere in my city
Now how the fuckin' hell's that supposed to make me feel
There's Arabs in the crawlspace and the bathroom
I can hear them talking on my lawn
I thank God for my Smith and fucking Wesson
Cuz It keeps me feeling safe until the dawn
I've spent about a million on a safe room
And my whole fence is now electrified
Now I know my enemy's the Arabs
And all my fears are finally fucking justified